


Stop Rambling

by striderscribe



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anal, M/M, Oral Sex, did i mention total dorks, dirk accidentally hitting jake in the face with clothes, lots of makeouts, total dorks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-19
Updated: 2013-09-19
Packaged: 2017-12-27 00:24:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/972089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/striderscribe/pseuds/striderscribe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Dirk Strider, and your best friend- and crush- Jake currently wants you to come over so he can confess something to you. Of course, you already know what he is going to say, and you obviously feel the same way. Why not go ahead and skip the talking and show him in other ways?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stop Rambling

tipsyGnostalgic (TG) began pestering timaeusTestified (TT) at 10:13:01  
TG: hehe dick  
TG: omg *dirk  
TG: well i guess the frist one works 2  
TT: Roxy, how drunk are you right now?  
TG: gosh wnt evn say hi 2 yoru bff huh  
TG: *your  
TT: Fine, sorry.  
TT: Morning, Ro-Lal, what's up?  
TG: ok well first thign is tht i am probs totes drnk rite now  
TT: Figured as much.  
TT: Enough for me to have to get Jane to help you?  
TG: omg yea gt janey over here soon  
TT: Will do, I'll even give her your smuppet you wanted. Pink and purple stitching all around, just for you.  
TG: omfg ily distri u r da best  
TT: Same goes for you, Rox.  
TG: ;3  
TG: but naw the reason i pestred u is cuz jakey wnted me 2 tell u sometin  
TT: Jake?  
TT: What was it?  
TT: Please tell me he is not stuck in one of his own traps again.  
TG: lol no but dat was prtty funny huh  
TG: but old fahsiond copy n past workes

tipsyGnostalgic (TG) pasted onto the pesterboard!

TG: "GT: Roxy! Could you do me a grand favor? I need you to pass something on to Strider for me!  
TG: lmao yea sure whats it  
GT: Pester him once I log off, and simply tell him that I need to see him.  
TG: why cant u just tell him yoself?  
GT: I keep getting that damned robot instead of him! Ugh, it's rather annoying. But I simply need to see him…  
TG: oh noes does this hve anythng 2 do with ;D?  
GT: A...Face? I haven't gotten the faintest idea what that could have anything to do with it!  
TG: omg ur such a dork  
TG: will da meeting involve winking n wonking? ;3  
GT: Oh!  
GT: Well golly, I suppose that may have something to do with it! If it goes the way I want it to, I guess… Of course that's rather a long shot! He doesn't seem to give off any hints of the same feeling.  
TG: omfg  
TG: u r litrlly cluless huh  
GT: What?  
TG: nvm  
TG: ill go tel dirky  
TG: whre r u?  
GT: On my land as of the moment! Just tell him to head straight for the jungle and that's probably where I am!  
TG: lolkay u get dat strider d im rootin for u kid  
TG: english x strider 4evr"

TG: omfg i cpied more than i wnted 2  
TT: Whoa, you certainly did.  
TG: oops srry! :xx  
TT: No, it's fine. I thank you for it, actually. Good job Lalonde.  
TT: So English likes me too?  
TG: i nvr said nothing  
TT: Of course you didn't.  
TT: Thanks Rox, I owe you one.  
TG: hell yea u do! :)  
TT: I'll get Crocker over their soon, try not to spill any devastatingly bad secrets while you're hopefully getting sobered up.  
TG: yea yea ya  
TG: hrry up and get yo jake dick alredy hehe

tipsyGnostalgic (TG) ceased pestering timeausTestified (TT) at 10:24:13

Your name is Dirk Strider, and you need to find Jake for an apparent feelings jam.

You lock your phone, putting it in the back pocket of your worn out jeans. When was the last time someone even washed these? Last time any of that was done around here is when Jane and Roxy yelled at you for it, and eventually just took the giant pile of old and stained clothes and did them themselves. You do too much fighting and saving to put up with the simplicity that is putting your shirt in water and watching it twirl around for an hour.

Disregarding the mud stains on the black cloth, you quickly grab one of the katanas from the floor. Perhaps leaving these around everywhere isn't the best idea, but it gets the job done. It's sleek and newly made, which basically means that it is overly sharp, and has cut you more than once on accident.

Flash-stepping across the room, you stop in front of the mirror. Sure checking yourself out isn't a thing your proud to admit to doing, but who cares, you're a Strider. Naturally good looks and self-confidence comes easy you guess. Your bro has it, so it is pretty obvious that you would too. Though, you doubt he uses it to hit on his best guy friend constantly even though the friend is pretty romantically oblivious (but who knows about bro at this point).  
The spiked areas of your hair are in the same position as they were an hour ago when you sprayed it, and the cuts on your face from the fights are starting to wear down. You look pretty fine, if you do say so yourself.  
You should really thank Roxy for boosting your ego like this.

Faintly smirking, you grab your rocket-board and step towards the transportalizer. You probably have radiation poisoning from this machine by now, but who cares, it's not like you are going to stop.  
Inserting the coordinates and the current date, you step in and brace yourself for the sudden queasy feeling you always feel.

Next thing you know, you are surrounded by dark green trees and high towering plants. The faint sound of crickets and unknown creatures fill your ears, and from the above sky you can see, it's probably night-time. Looking around, you see that there is a single path cut among the grass, so you are only assuming that it's the right way to go. You take out your sword and move it in front of you, swinging it a bit back and forth to cut extra grasses and potential dangers.

"Jake?" The sound echoes from your mouth, and at this point, you have no idea where your best friend is. The only thing he told Lalonde was that he was going to be out here, and you suppose English isn't that hard to find…

"Dirk? Is that you?" The voice comes from the same direction you've been walking in, and you hear rustling coming up from ahead.  
"Yeah, where the hell are you?" You move a branch that was about to hit you in the face in a split second, and growl at the bugs starting to crawl onto your legs.

A sudden figure jumps out of the grasses, and it quickly latches on to your body. You would either freak out or use your sword if you didn't hear the figure go, "Strider!" and what feels like metal on the back of your neck from the guns. "Heh, 'sup English."

You softly put your arms around him in return, mainly because if you don't, both of you are probably going to fall over. The other part is, well, damn did you really want to.

"You actually came!" His breath latched onto the crook of your neck, which immediately made you feel a tad flustered. What makes you more flustered is- his thighs are right up against you, and if you do happen to fall, well, there will definitely be contact. Not that that's a bad thing, of course.

"Of course I came, Rox wouldn't shut up about it." You could feel him smile against your skin, and seriously, if you didn't already know that he had the hots for you, this would definitely be the biggest sign there is. "And I just wanted to see my best bro."

Jake grinned and laughed slightly, unlatching from you and standing back up. He put his arms on his sides in a proud stance, as if he wants you to check him out. Of course, you do. You would anyway.

He is wearing his signature white shirt, with the dirty green emblem of a skull- which resembles one of your main enemies, ironically. Above the shirt is the same green jacket that he always wore, and it has a few tears along the arm and shoulder, either from overuse or from strifing. Jake's glasses are slightly askew, which he is fixing at the moment. Can he even see without them? Who knows.

His hair is, not to sound more ironically homo than you are, pretty much perfect. Even if it is rustled up from digging around outside all day and fighting, a single hair is not out of place.  
And you thought your hair was awesome.

Last but certainly not least- his shorts. Jesus fuck his shorts. They have to get shorter every single time you see them, which isn't a bad thing at all, actually. And just to add to the Englishness of it, strapped to one of his thighs is a gun holster, and just looking at them is making you flustered. You can't explain it, but in the simplest of terms: damn.

His stance suddenly turns normal, and his eyes widen a bit, "Whoa, Dirk! You are a lot more… muscular than last time I saw you! I need to step it up, eh?"

Smirking, you look down at yourself and then back at him, "Yeah, I suppose so. Too much gun shooting, not enough sword fighting, huh?"

He nods, "I haven't gotten the slightest idea how to even hold a sword. Though, it would help I guess! You should let me mess around with your sword sometime!"

You can't help it. No matter how serious you are presumed to be, you snort when he says it. He doesn't catch the innuendo until your face is red and trying not to burst out laughing, and then his face turns even a darker shade and he starts blabbering about something.

"I-I, golly, I didn't mean it like that! I meant that you could teach me how to hold it and- ugh, I-" This goes on for a solid minute until you decide to interject, "Jake, Jake! S' cool man." He calms down and sighs, "Gosh, okay." Silent laughter comes out, which then intrigues you to keep going.

You step closer to him, making it seem as normal as possible, and bend over slightly to meet his eyes with your hands in your pockets. With a smirk, you watch as his face is slowly moving into a confused state.  
"Besides, I'd let you mess with my sword anytime."

Jake's eyes get bigger, and his face once again turns into the flustered state it's been in just three times since you've been here. "I'm, I-I… I…" Incoherent words drabble out, and to be honest, it's the cutest thing you've ever seen.

With a wink, you grin and put your hands behind your head. "Anyways, English, why'd you call for me? Need help with something?"

He readjusts himself, and nods a tad, "Kind of! Well, it was more of, uh, talking, I guess?" He motions for you to sit down on the grass, so you take your katana out of your pants loop and set it down beside you. Sitting down with that would probably end drastically somehow, you presume.

"'Kay, what's up?" Trying to hold back a sarcastic smirk, you obviously already know how this is going to go. Or, at least how you want it to go.

He sits down directly across from you, maybe a solid five feet of distance from you to him. He looks overly nervous, but let's be honest, it's Jake. He has a lot more confidence than anyone gives him for.  
He begins to draw things in the dirt, obviously not wanting to lock eyes.

"Erm, you know how we have been best friends for a long time now, right?," you nod in agreement, "Well I've been talking to Roxy a lot, and she has explained a lot to me! It's kinda weird how great she is with feelings and such, since, well, she's so… Roxy! But anyways, we had a so called 'feelings jam', is that what you call it? I think so. Well, we had one, and perhaps you were brought up, and other things happened and-"

You scoot closer to him- now about two feet of distance. You smirk, "Jake, you're rambling again."

He faintly smiles, and begins again, "Gosh, okay, sorry um, Roxy has been helping me figure some things out, you know? And after what seems like gazillion pesterlogs, we came to a conclusion." Jake finally looks up, and is dead set on your eyes.

"Lalonde is fairly good at that, she's helped me as well." You get closer- approximately one foot. You can practically see his breath hitch as you almost touch his hand. Man, have you really been this stupid enough to not figure out he's liked you?  
You smirk, "And what conclusion did she make for you?"

"Oh, uh…" He continues to stare at you, and at this distance, you're sure he can see you through your shades, "I suppose it would be easier to just show you?"

You raise an eyebrow and silently huff a breath of laughter, "Get to showin' then."

Jake scoots closer this time- now extremely more face to face than before. Quickly, and unexpectedly, he grabs the collar of your black wife-beater and pulls you even closer. You can then feel his lips against yours, and damn they are soft. The kiss only lasts for about seven seconds, but it was a lot different than you imagined it would be- a good different. He must've had more experience than you thought.

Your eyes open, and everything is a lot brighter than it was a few seconds ago. You must've taken off your shades before he latched onto your face.  
Jake's face is an even darker red than it was with the innuendos, and if you can read emotions right, he's in the process of beginning to freak out.

"Oh my god- Dirk, I- I'm overly sorry, I- oh gosh what did I just do I'm-"  
Yeah, being a heart player has its advantages for emotions apparently.

You grab the collar of his shirt this time, and bring him to your face, lips just inches apart. You can practically hear his brain start turning for any possible things to say, and his mouth opens just a bit as he attempts to speak. Before he can, you move your face slightly to the left and combine it with Jake's. You can hear him slightly murmur something, but you don't ignore it. Instead, you let go and stare him straight in the eyes, "Dear god do you ever shutup?"

He smirks and raises an eyebrow, and you're remotely taken back by the change of confidence. In possibly the most seductive tone you've ever heard from him, he leans over and whispers, "Only at certain times. I'm quite vocal, obviously."

"Oh my god-" You quickly get onto your knees and adjust, tackling Jake onto the ground beneath you.

'Holy shit this is happening and he is also encouraging it oh my god' is the only thing going on in your head at the moment as you kiss Jake once again. Your hands are on his sides, also supporting yourself from not literally crushing him, and his hands are on your neck and the line of your hair, pushing you onto him more. His mouth opens as if it read your mind, and- at risk of being absolutely cliché- you explore it with your tongue. He does the same, until he starts to roll over and make you the bottom.

You can feel his hands dig into the sides of your face, and chances are that you're digging into his back without realizing it. Jake is basically sitting on you, with his hands in your hair and tongue in your mouth. Honestly, you can safely say that you've never been more turned on.

"Ngh, Jake… Are we going to-" He cuts you off mid-sentence, "Oh hell yes we are. I mean- only if you're alright with it! I certainly won't do anything you don't want! Oh gosh I just ruined it didn't I? Ugh I was trying so hard to be all-"  
You kiss him once again, biting his lip slightly once you let go. "You really gotta stop rambling every once in a while."  
He smiles, "Keep going and I promise."

You push him over once again, regaining your place as the top. Instead of going for his lips again, you go straight for his jawline and neck- gently licking individual spots and soon finding out that Jake really really likes that. You don't have that much room to work with because of his shirt, but that will be gone soon enough. Before you get up to remove it, you softly suck and bite on the crook of his neck, and in return, he moaned and moved his hips up so it grinded against yours.

"Mph, Dirk… Clothes…" You sit up a bit, not exactly realizing that when you do you actually rest on him. He moans a bit at the friction, and you can't help but smirk at the affliction.

Lifting your shirt over your head, you throw it somewhere to the side. With your luck, it landed in a puddle or something. You quickly do the same to Jake's shirt, not wasting time with teasing him a bit more (If that makes sense, you guess.)

You trace a long line with your tongue along his neck to the hem of his shorts, making him grab onto your hair and make a few questionable noises of enjoyment. Glancing back at him, Jake is biting his lip- obviously trying to hold back any moans or motions. Though, he chose the wrong person to try that with.

Freeing a hand from Jake's side, you move it to his shorts and slightly trace over it as you watch for any expression change from the boy beneath you. His head is slightly farther back than it was a second ago, and you are pretty sure his lip is bleeding now. "D-Dirk, please…"

You cup him in your hand, moving up to his face as you do so. He moans softly, and to add to it, you continue to suck on his neck and jawline, moving up to his ear to reply, "Please…What?"

"Ngh, Just… Stop teasing me and take off your damn pants!"

You feel him up once again, "About time you told me to do that, English." With that you quickly kiss him again, and move back down in between Jake's legs. His shorts are easy enough to get off, you presume, so might as well take off yours first.  
You do so, throwing them in the same direction as both of your shirts. You're honestly still hoping you didn't throw them into an abyss or something.

Your boxers are still on, which Jake quietly growls at, but you shove him off- it's him this whole endeavor is focusing on, not you. That would be an added bonus, though.

Stroking up his legs, they are a lot thinner than yours, and less muscular. You kind of start wondering if he actually does 'adventure' out here.  
Well, you suppose you could call this adventuring, right?

With growls and silent moans coming from Jake, you finally get to his pants, and pull them completely off. His boxers are a dark green, go figure. Those must also be evacuated as well.  
Once they are off, you don't waste time getting to what you want. Fingers are latching and Jake's are moaning. Pretty much how you imagined it starting.

You adjust yourself to where you are practically laying down in between his legs, face in direct ways to his (rather rock hard) erection. Fingers still latched to it, you begin to move your hand up and down, making Jake make some muffled sounds and moans. You're not going fast, but it's a steady speed that's enough to get him harder than he is already.

"Dir- Ahhhh!" Your tongue moves in between your fingers, licking up from the base to tip while still pumping him. He thrusts his hips up in return and swings his head back to where you are sure he just hit it against the ground.

After a few more seconds of pumping, you glance back at him. He's sitting partly up to where he can see what you are doing and is supporting himself with one arm, the other one in your hair. "Uhnf… Oh my g- Dirk…"  
You discard your hand, but not before moving it to position his member near your lips once again. In a swift motion, you put the tip of his length into your mouth, making him partly pull your hair and make a loud moan.

You smirk at him, and he looks at you for a split second before pulling his head back as you put him fully in your mouth. Not to brag or anything, but Strider's are rather renown for not having a gag reflex. Good news for him, huh?

Holding his thighs to the sides, you start to move your head up and down. You can taste a hint of pre-cum from him, but you ignore it. Swirling your tongue around it in the process, you can easily tell it's driving him up the wall that all he has to hold onto is your hair. Not much you can do about that, though.  
"Mph… Ah! Dirk!"  
You go faster, glancing back at him every so often. There are moans coming out of him like there's no end, and to be honest, it's turning you on even more than you already are. If that's possible.

The process goes on for a minute or two until Jake finally manages to say anything without it being complete gibberish, "Ngh, D-Dirk! I'm about to…-" He thrusts his hips up again, but you keep yourself around him as he does so. You keep going faster, making sure not to break it as Jake rides his climax.  
A few seconds later, you hear a final loud moan come from him and a rather sweet taste around your lips. Unlocking yourself from his length, you sit back up and swallow as much of it as you can.  
Holy shit is there a lot.  
At least you know you have the power to make him do that.

Jake falls back on the ground and pants a few times, "Oh my god, Dirk…"  
After he regains his breath, he sits back up at you and grins. His face is a bright pink and his dark hair is everywhere at this point.  
You look down and back at him, not quite understanding why he's grinning. "What?"

He points to his lips, "You have a little something… There." Still grinning, he sits up a bit more, forgetting that he's still completely naked.

"Oh." You start to try to wipe it off before Jake is near you, grabbing your hand. "I'll help."

His lips are on yours once again, a bit sloppier than before, but who even cares at this point- It's Jake fucking English. You wouldn't care if he sucked entirely at kissing, you would still do it with him anytime.

Hands are on the back of your neck, and a still nude Jake is in your lap. You start to move your lips with his, occasionally biting his lip once more and softly growling when he does it to you. You don't realize he's partly grinding back on you until a moan came out without you realizing it.  
"Mpphh… Jake… Are we going to do this?"

He laces his fingers together in back of your head and smirks, "Only if you want to."

You smirk back at him and turn your head slightly to the side, "I think it's more your choice than mine, English. It's not my ass that'll be dominated."

He giggles, which remotely throws you off for a second, "Strider, I've been waiting years for any indication of that."

"You've been waiting? Oh no, don't even get me started. Do you realize how many times I've talked to Rox about this and even Jane and sometimes even you but hell no you never realize it but-"  
He cuts you off again, this time by grabbing the bulge in your boxers swiftly. You make a completely inhuman noise, and look back up at Jake.

"Dirk, you really should stop rambling."

With a grin, you push him off of you quickly, making him land back in the same spot and position as he was in a few minutes ago. You climb back on top of him, taking off your orange boxers completely on the way.

You are a lot harder than you thought, but who can blame you? You're in the middle of the jungle with your best friend, you've had what- three make out sessions? You just made him cum a few minutes ago, and not to mention what you're about to do now.  
You think that's a pretty good excuse.

Until you remember that there is usually one more thing needed for this kind of thing.

"Wait, shit, Jake. We're in the middle of nowhere." It's hard to say this seriously when both of your lengths are basically touching, making your face turn a bright pink and your desires run wild.

"Yeah?" His face turns into a confused state.

"Well, don't you think a certain thing is needed to prepare for this?" God dammit he still looks confused, you know for a fact he's not this innocent. "Lube, Jake. Lube."

"Oh!" He slightly laughed, "Totally knew that. Check my jacket pocket."

You give him a confused look, and he quickly explains himself, "Uh, not to sound desperate or anything, but this is kind of what I really wanted before you came here. Roxy bought it for me."

It's official, you love Roxy. That girl is getting every single cat you can find and all of the most expensive vodkas. Thank you, based Lalonde.

You grin, and get off of him. The sudden feeling of non-contact makes you want to go right back to him, but that would ruin the purpose. Instead, you find the pile of clothes that you discarded a while ago. Thankfully, they are not in some big puddle like you imagined- just grass. You find his green jacket and look in both of its pockets. You find a small circular container in one of them. Jackpot.

You unscrew it and fast step quickly back over to him. "We should probably thank Ms. Usually-too-drunk-to-do-anything a lot more, eh?"

Jake nods, "Definitely more so. Now hurry up or else one of us will start ranting again!"

With a smirk, you swiftly regain your rightful place on top of him. You move both of your hands above Jake's head, and continue to unscrew the container while sucking on his neck at the same time.

"Mhm…," You let off and sit up, staring at his eyes, "Lift up your legs."  
He does so, giving you full access to the area in focus. You dip your fingers in the material and raise an eyebrow at Jake, "Ready?"

"Never been more ready."

You insert one finger, and he's actually not as tight as you were expecting. Not that it's a bad thing, of course. A wince comes from him, and you can't help but smirk at the sudden state you have gotten him into.  
Second finger causes him to wince again, but it's settled with a slight moan as you mistakenly move one finger too far and hit a pleasure point. You bite your lip and start to move both fingers in a scissoring motion, making him thrust his hip up in return.  
One more finger, just for good measure. You wouldn't admit it to yourself or anyone else, but you are one hundred percent sure that two fingers couldn't just do it.

After a few more seconds of preparing, you take out your fingers and readjust yourself, looking at him for reassurance. He nods, knowing already the thing you were going to ask that you have at least two times before.

"Dirk, if you don't," he pauses for a slight second, probably trying to figure out what to say next, "if you don't fuck me this second I will take your role as top, I swear."

You weren't exactly expecting him to say that, but hell if you are going to let that happen. That's your role without a doubt.  
Bro taught you a long time ago that if you lick it it's yours, and you are determined to keep that rule going.

You smirk, "Don't need to tell me again, babe."  
Grabbing one of his legs and elevating it a bit more than the other, you near his entrance and aim, slowly push into it. He grunts, and as you move it farther, he shifts a bit uncomfortably. To his disadvantage, as he does so, he moves himself farther into it. Way to go, English.

"Ergh…. H-Hold on for a second…" His face is dark and his eyes are getting redder as opposed to white. Nails are digging into your arms, but you don't mind too much. You bite your lip a bit, pretty positive that you are going to have permanent damage on that side of your mouth after today.  
"O…Okay, move. Please…"

You grasp onto his leg harder and softly thrust once into Jake, making you both create rather positive noises at each other. Faint smirks appear on your face quickly, but are wiped off as Jake dug into your arm even more and you winced and moaned at the slight pain.  
So you've got a bit of a masochistic streak, big deal.

"Dir- Ahhh! Dirk… Faster…. Faster…" Doing as he requests, you lift his leg further up and support yourself with your other arm. The hits become more steady and frequent- and so do Jake's moans, which start to become much louder after time goes on. You would be worried about someone hearing him if you weren't completely all alone in the wild. Though… That would be kind of hot, eh?

"Ngh… Jake! Fuck fuck ahhhh fuck!" Telling by the look on both of your faces, this is wrapping up really soon. His face is red, his forehead is beading with sweat, his eyes are shut tight, and his lip is definitely bleeding at the moment. If it were any other day, you probably wouldn't be this turned on just from looking at him.

He starts to move his body up and down a bit against your lower half, forcing you to fix your speed to his advantage. Once you do, Jake screams out, "Fuck! Dirk! I'm- I- ahhh… Harder…Please I'm going to- ah! Cum soon!"

It only takes a minute of harder thrusting and pleads for him to burst, some of it on his chest and some on yours. You were definitely not far behind, and did the same as you came into him.

You pull out and let go of Jake, lying next to him on the seemingly cold grass. Completely out of breath, you mutter, "Holy…Shit."  
He turns his head and grins at you, "Same here…"

His hand interlaces with yours, and he sits up- forcing you to do the same. His smiling expression doesn't change as he glances at you again, but you honestly have no idea what to say at this moment. Weird troll or cherub fanfics would usually end with the lame and overly cliché "I love you" and "I love you too"s, but that doesn't necessarily work with this specific thing now does it?

You settle with a simple, "What a way to confess, right?"  
He chuckled and turned his body around to face you, "I'll say! Golly, not to sound all desperate or anything… again… but I certainly hope we get to confess to each other again soon, then." He winked with his right eye and began to silently laugh.

"I'll be sure to book you into my schedule, then. Let's see, I'm free…. Well look at that, looks like I can have the English dick at any point of the day!" Smooth, Dirk, smooth.

"I'll be sure to reserve it exclusively to you whenever you need it." He grins again, showing off his overbite and several bite marks on his lower lip.  
"So, does this make us….?"

You nod, "If you agree, that is. I have a certain girl on hand that would definitely be willing to wed us into all of this homo boyfriendry matrimony... As long as she's not drunk again." Now that you think about it, it would probably be better if she was drunk. Most hilarious fake marriage ever.

"We should definitely get Ms. Lalonde on chat, then. As long as I can the Strider dick whenever I want as well." His eyebrow moves up, and he does his signature "double pistols and a wink".

You get up, not exactly remembering that you are naked on the way to the pile of clothes, "Oh you can have that anytime you want. Special delivery for Jake English at record speed."  
Grabbing the pile, you throw it over to your- newly official- boyfriend and it may or may not have accidently hit him in the face. You mumble a quick "shit, sorry" before overly laughing about it.

"Oh shut it, just get out your phone so we can talk to Roxy! Oh, what about Jane?!" He starts to put on his clothes again, but he doesn't catch that you threw him your shirt until he already put it on. He shrugged it off, but honestly, it looks pretty damn good on him. His shirt was left, so you decide to put it on instead of be half naked for the rest of the day- not that Jake would mind that. It fits you pretty well, actually.

"She should actually be there with Rox. I quickly told Jane to go over there to help her get sobered up." You hope she did, anyways. He mutters a slight "ah", and you throw him your phone.

"Oh, and Jake?"  
He mutters a slight "what" as he resumes to putting on his clothes, which is for some reason baffling him at the moment.  
"Love you."  
He looks up and grins, "Love you too, Dirk."

timaeusTestified (TT) began pestering tipsyGnostalgic (TG) at 12:50:12

TT: Hiya Roxy!  
TG: lol whats wrong dirk  
TT: What does that mean!?  
TG: this isnt dirk is it  
TT: Nope!  
TT: Was I really that easy to figure out?  
TG: lmao yea  
TG: distri doesnt sound anything like that sorry  
TG: but hi there jakey what uupppp  
TT: Well, Dirk and I befkkahlfnkwnferfnc  
TT: Jesus fuck I need to teach English how to type like me if he's going to do that.  
TG: right  
TG: being a strider is hard though i guess  
TT: Whoa, you sound sober. I suspect Jane came over?  
TG: yeah!  
TG: cake solves drunkiness i guess lol  
TG: but ooooh you have to give me some details about that date dirky  
TG: first of all  
TG: did he tell u that he liked you?  
TT: Yes, well, in a way, presumably.  
TG: second  
TG: r u naked right now i bet you are  
TT: Do I have to answer that?  
TG: yea thats like the number one rule of bffls here distri get it together  
TT: Sorry, I'll remember next time.  
TT: But no, I am not currently naked. If I pestered you two minutes ago, yes.  
TG: you guys did the do omfg i am so proud of u dirky i knew you could get that d  
TT: Thanks for the support, then. Never could have done it without you Rox.  
TT: We kind of just wanted to tell you that we are together now.  
TG: like  
TG: official?  
TT: Officially official.  
TG: omfffgg finally  
TG: i told jane and u gotta thumbs up hehe  
TG: im proud of u distri  
TT: I think I feel something coming on…  
TT: What is this feeling?  
TT: Wait…  
TG: :o  
TT: *Insert heart here.*  
TG: omfg u technically did it im so proud  
timaeusTestified (TT) ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic (TG) at 12:55:01

"Dirk, what were you even talking to her about before you came here? I didn't know that she knew all of that! Not that it's bad or anything, I guess, I mean, hehe, I guess it's rather flustering to know that the girls know what we've been doing! It's okay though I mean, I, gosh. Maybe if-"

You locked your phone and threw it somewhere close to you, going over to Jake and closing your lips together once more. It shut him up, so at least now you know what to do.  
You smile and put an arm around his shoulders, kissing his cheek slightly as you near his ear.

"Jake, you really should stop rambling."

**Author's Note:**

> I finally got this finished uuughh! Sorry the smut seems rushed! well, it seems rushed to me at least...  
> But if you could tell me how I did that would be even more than great! It's my first DirkJake so I hope I did pretty decent! ;u;  
> i dont even think there are enough fanfics in the world to express my love for this ship


End file.
